My First Break

My First Big Break: The Feature

by Alan Di Fiore

RE: Alan DiFiore’s feature pitch titled My First Break. Attached are my notes:

1) The story portrays how our protagonist, AD, who is a screenwriter, got his first break. My immediate response is that the focus is too narrow. Why not be more inclusive? Why not an actor, a doctor, an airline pilot, etc.? After all, every one has had some kind of a first break. (Could be a great premise for a reality show.)

2) The first scene takes place in the LA train station where AD is with Spencer Tracy. Immediately, we know this has to be a dream sequence since Tracy has been dead for... When did he die? A long time ago, anyway. (This would have to be CGI and has anyone checked into the rights on Tracy?) But my main problem is that Tracy tells AD, "Don’t worry, kid, you’ll be back," which gives away the entire premise. AD has come to LA because he’s got his first screenplay optioned. The option falls through, then he has the dream about Tracy. Instead, how about a teaser at the train station to get the audience hooked. But don’t play the dialogue, we just see them together. Then AD wakes up in the car driving to LA with Stuart Margolin. We save the rest of the dream for the last scene. Gives the audience some hope. It’s Spencer Tracy and he’s telling AD, "You’ll be back." (Casting thought for AD: Could he be black? What about Denzel?)

3) It’s 1983 but does it have to be? Anything period and our budget goes up. Let’s think contemporary. Why does he dream about Spencer Tracy, why not somebody who’s alive, a guest spot. How about J Lo??? (We need to sex this thing up.)

4) I like that AD owns a restaurant in BC (shoot Vancouver for Seattle) and that he’s driving it into the ground because he wants to be writing. However, I think the flashbacks to all his other shitty jobs (the dog food factory, herring fishing, what else…oh, yeah, what the hell’s a log pirate?) should go. If we keep a flashback, make it the one when AD’s 12 and realizes he wants to be a writer. Although let’s cut the fact his first hundred stories were all gory horror tales. And what’s with going to the movies every Saturday afternoon? Cut it. Makes him seem weird. And please cut the drunk altar boy sequence.

5) The drug use in the restaurant is out. I can just hear the argument: "It’s the eighties, everybody did a little blow." Yeah, we were all there, OK, but do we really need to be reminded of it? Besides it could hurt our PG rating and coke won’t play in middle America (could it be meth?) Keep the booze, that’s the traditional writer’s weakness, anyway.

6) Stuart Margolin walks into AD’s restaurant and he can’t believe it. Margolin’s one of his favourite actors. The Rockford Files, etc. This seems way too easy. Instead, it might make for some nice tension and perhaps even some comedy if everybody recognizes Margolin but AD, who’s high, anyway. AD almost misses his shot at becoming a screenwriter. (Casting thought for Margolin. A woman? Geena Davis. Word is, she’s looking.)

7) Margolin and AD start talking about writing and writers they like and they immediately hit it off. Where the hell’s the conflict? AD should have to pursue Margolin. He camps out at his hotel. Tries to get him a sample of his work any way he can. In a soup tureen. Dropped from a hot air balloon. Whatever. Conflict and Comedy, the two C’s that make hits.

8) Margolin asks, "Have you ever thought about writing a screenplay?" AD says he’s written a couple but they were shit. Why shit? Why couldn’t they be works of genius, which are now about to be discovered? AD’s been struggling for years, writing and getting rejection slips, and now he’s got a couple of stories published but no one recognizes how damn good he is. Enter Margolin.

9) Okay, so they write a screenplay together and it immediately gets optioned and they’re off to LA and then the option falls through and AD has to spend six more years paying his dues, doing re-write work, spec scripts, whatever, until Margolin again calls him up and they go to Italy to write an MOW and that’s his big break. Boring. Why not just make the first option pay off? The movie gets made. It’s a big hit. Think Rocky, only for the literary set.

In its present state, I can’t see greenlighting this. However, I owe one to DiFiore’s agent at WMA, so we’re stuck for a rewrite. (Call me about the reality series idea.)